Why can’t you escape unhealthy relationship patterns?
Attachment styles are discussed in so many ways these days. Sometimes they’re used as labels for behaviors or patterns. Other times, they show up as personal reflections on social media—often centered around ex-partners. I’ve experienced moments where my feed feels endlessly focused on attachment styles, and honestly, it can be exhausting. There’s so much conversation around such a deeply personal (and often clinical) topic.
At the core of attachment for every individual are the early experiences that shaped how we learned to receive love, connection, and safety. This begins with our parents or caregivers and develops over time. We are often drawn to people who feel familiar—those who mirror what we subconsciously learned love was supposed to feel like.
If you truly want to understand your attachment style, it can be incredibly helpful to explore it with a licensed professional who can offer insight beyond labels or online trends.
Many times, without realizing it, we find ourselves stuck in relational cycles—both with others and within ourselves. This isn’t a personal failure; it’s part of how our nervous systems are wired. That inner child doesn’t just disappear. For example, if love was inconsistent growing up, it may feel “normal” to your nervous system to connect with partners or friends who show up inconsistently now.
I often describe this to clients as railroad tracks. The tracks are laid down early, shaped by how we first experienced care and connection. They become our relational autopilot—unless we learn to recognize and externalize these patterns for what they are.
One of my favorite reminders is: “What you don’t heal, you repeat.”
Laying new groundwork is hard work. Familiarity can feel comforting, even when relationships are unhealthy or our needs go unmet. That pull toward what’s known can be powerful.
This is where I believe therapy can be a kind friend. It offers a space to step back, gain perspective, and begin relating from logic and awareness rather than “the way things have always been.” It’s also a place to co-regulate and heal alongside another human being.
Humans are incredibly resilient. There’s strong clinical evidence that what was wounded in relationships heals most effectively within relationships. If this resonates with you, it might be time to give therapy a chance. I’m always here to answer any questions you may have.
—
Hannah
Your favorite LPC-A
