How to Be a Girl Boss (The Hughes Counseling Theory)
This blog started as a joke. I wanted to write something for a little comic relief in a world full of debates, burnout, and the occasional overuse of therapy terms.
Then I decided to add research into the mix because, well, we all love a good tested theory.
But first, my opinion:
I personally believe being a “girl boss” starts with taking care of yourself first and your responsibilities second.
Nothing particularly profound about that statement, but you would be surprised by how many women I have worked with who have normalized functioning from a state of burnout. Somewhere along the way, being exhausted became a personality trait, being busy became a badge of honor, and rest started to feel like something we had to earn.
So, in true Hughes Counseling fashion, here are a few things I think help:
1. Start the week with a plan.
At the beginning of the week, I write down everything that needs to get done and then distribute those tasks throughout the days ahead.
Notice I said distribute, not “cram everything into Monday.”
The goal is to create a week that is actually manageable.
2. Put meaningful social connection on the calendar.
Work can easily take over your entire schedule if you let it.
Make sure there is some form of meaningful social connection on your calendar outside of work. Dinner with a friend, a workout class, coffee, a phone call, or whatever genuinely fills your cup.
And yes, it counts even if you have to schedule it.
3. Check in with yourself.
I like doing monthly personal check-ins and quarterly professional check-ins.
Ask yourself:
What is working? What isn't working? What needs to change?
Keep it simple stupid (K.I.S.S.)
4. Move your body.
Running and exercise get a turn in my schedule as much as possible, but I also make room for softer forms of movement like walking or hot yoga.
And before anyone gets offended by the running suggestion: this is preference-based.
You do not have to run.
Just move your body in a way that feels good and sustainable for you.
5. Create boundaries around work.
One of the easiest ways for work to consume your life is to let it follow you everywhere.
I try to have boundaries around when I will and will not respond to work-related messages or handle work tasks. Ideally, work gets handled between 9–5 when possible.
Of course, owning a business and being a therapist doesn't always make that realistic. But having a boundary is different from never making an exception.
The boundary gives you something to return to.
The list could go on, but let's get into what the research says about taking care of yourself as a working woman.
(And yes, men, you can benefit from this information too.)
A 2024 study by John Pladdys describes burnout as a “complex organizational phenomenon that diminishes employees' well-being.” Pladdys also discusses burnout as both an individual and organizational issue.
That distinction is important.
Taking responsibility for our own well-being doesn't mean ignoring the systems we work within or pretending that every experience of burnout is our own fault. Work environments, expectations, leadership, workload, and organizational culture all matter.
At the same time, we do have some agency in how we structure our work, how we recover from it, and what we prioritize outside of it.
And because everyone's relationship with work is different, what it means to be a “girl boss” is going to look different for everyone.
The Importance of Psychological Detachment
One concept from Pladdys' review that really stood out to me was psychological detachment from work.
Psychological detachment is essentially the experience of leaving work behind during your non-work hours — being able to “switch off” and give your brain a break from work-related demands.
Sounds great, right?
But how do we actually do that?
One answer is through mastery experiences — activities that challenge you, engage you, or give you a sense of accomplishment outside of your job.
For me, that's running.
For you, it might be taking a free class online, learning something new, getting your 10,000 steps, painting, cooking, reading, or even playing a video game.
The activity itself isn't really the point.
The point is that your brain is being stimulated and challenged in a way that has nothing to do with your job.
You're reminding yourself that you are more than what you do for work.
And I think that's an important distinction.
Your career can be a meaningful part of your identity without becoming your entire identity.
So, How Do You Become a Girl Boss?
As a therapist, I'm a big believer in restoring agency when we've started to feel controlled by our circumstances, our thoughts, or external expectations.
Sometimes we get so focused on everything we have to do that we forget we actually get a say in how we live our lives.
You may not be able to change your workload tomorrow.
You may not be able to quit your job.
You may not be able to control every stressful thing that happens.
But you can start looking for the places where you do have a choice.
What would make your day 1% better?
What could make your week 1% more balanced?
Where could you create a little more space?
What is something you could stop doing?
What is something you could start doing?
Maybe being a “girl boss” isn't about doing more.
Maybe it's about being intentional about what deserves your energy in the first place.
That's the Hughes Counseling theory, anyway.
Girl boss status isn't achieved by doing everything.
It's achieved by building a life that is actually yours to curate.
And honestly?
That's a pretty good theory.
References
Pladdys, J. (2024). Mitigating workplace burnout through transformational leadership and employee participation in recovery experiences. HCA Healthcare Journal of Medicine, 5(3), 215–223. https://doi.org/10.36518/2689-0216.1783
Want to Read More?
Here are a couple of additional resources I found interesting while researching this topic:
